In Which Mariah Reviews L'Oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm (Which Was a Sample)

It's no secret that I like girly stuff like make up and...well, mostly make up. Okay, everything they sell at Ulta.  

I also like free samples.  I get them online whenever I can, and mostly they sit on my bathroom counter in a thrift store container and wait for the day they are used while slowly drying up.  So, since I knew I was not leaving the house today, I decided to actually try one of the moisturizer samples.  The one I fished out was the afore-mentioned L'Oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm.  I will be refering to as L'Oreal stuff, gold cream, or shit throughout the rest of this review.  

Now, I would not buy this stuff in the store, because it is made by L'Oreal and they test animals.  I would not have actually requested a sample of this stuff either, but I found it in one of the free magazine subscriptions I get from ELF cosmetics.  There is no reason to ever buy animal tested stuff, especially when you can get many alternatives, and especially in the area of skin care.  And later on, I will be talking about some of those amazing products, but not tonight.

Anyway, this stuff is first of all, definitely not for younger skin.  The website says it's for "mature skin" and they show spokesperson Diane Keaton, who is about 100 years old and was old looking even when she was young.  And this stuff doesn't appear to be changing that, except L'Oreal made her take off the stupid hats she wears and dressed her in white, because she is, you know, regressing, or whatever.  Regenerating?  Like Dr. Who?

The stuff came in one of those slim foil packs attached to a paper card with a coupon on it, which I junked ages ago.  Here is a pic of the paper it came on.

    

 Normally these are one use only packets, so I expected this to be the same way, and maybe it was, but when the thick yellow cream started to come out,it seemed like too much. I squeezed the whole packett and got all of it out.  It was super thick and greasy.  Maybe if it was coming out of a jar i would've felt better about it, but it looked gross, and I imagine ol' Stephen King would have called the texture and color "pus-like."  I put it all over my face and it took like ten minutes to actually rub the whole amount over my face and neck.  There were still yellow (pus-like) streaks that seemed to just pop up all over my face, and had to be rerubbed in, ALTHOUGHT I SWEAR TO GOD I GOT THEM THE FIRST TIME.  Was my skin rebelling?

  I put it on at about 6:00 PM when I got out of the shower (yeah, one of those glorious days) and as I write this, at 1:30 AM, it is still sitting greasily on my face.  I can't recommend this stuff.  Even if it was not tested on animals, it's just not a good cream for someone my age (27), even if you are concerned about dryness, wrinkles, or other skin issues associated with older women.

I've always thought that if I use the stuff for older skin now, maybe my skin will never age.  I don;t want to be a wrinkly faced old crone.  God, I'm a little fatty right now, can't I win somewhere?  So I usually buy the heaviest crap i can find for night cream.  I'm still looking for a decent day moisturizer, but I have a feeling the search is about to end, and I totally feel like I'm on the Bachelorette, yo! 

My night cream for now is the Vitamen E Night Cream from The Body Shop, which is also marketed for older skin, and also has a a hard time absorbing into my skin on account of how heavy it is, but the difference is that it is night ream and it's supposed to be a little heavier.  Also, when I bought that, I knew how it would be, I wanted the most heavy duty stuff that I could get from The Body Shop (my love affair with them has actually ended, my new skincare BF Mario Badescue is just much better).  The L'Oreal stuff is just moisturizer, and I was thinking it would be heavy, yes, but not so heavy that my face had a greasy film over it for the next few hours.  I can't wait to take it off and put on some night cream, although it will probably have to be one of my acne ones, because I am afraid I've clogged up my pores.

It does make my skin feel incredibly soft though.  Sort of like when I wash it with an exfoiliant.  Still, I wouldn't buy it on principle. 

I'd rather have wrinkles than dead rabbits on my conscience.

Kiss Kiss Meow Meow

Mariah

 

In Which Mariah Watches TV and Bitches About Life

This has been a pretty interesting week.  I could tell you a whole bunch of personal shit, but I'm not going to do that. Let's start with the bar exam.

I passed.  I figured I had failed, because I start from the presupposition that I fail everything.  This makes for a pleasant surprise when I am wrong about things, and in this area, I am wrong a lot, thank god, and protects me from a nervous breakdown in the event that I fail and I was RIGHT to think I failed.  Anyway, I passed.  I'll get sworn in soon and then I have to become, like an adult or something. 

Adulthood sucks.  Suddenly, I have to pay my student loans back and I have to WORK and be a lawyer and WORK.  And until I pay off the loan monkey that's about all I'm going to think about.  I always figured by the time I was this age, I would have become a published author, and the writer of some FUCKIN AWESOME BOOKS, and I would be sort of famous and wear big sunglasses and speak in an affected accent of indeterminate origin. 

Yet this has not happened.  Okay, I do have an affected tone though. 

Possibly because I lack follow through, but it's easier to blame law school and discuss how it killed my creativity, man.  Bitch, please.  The Public Defender Clinic alone gave me enough matierial to write a book, but I'd probably get sued and you gotta take those sunglasses off in court, right?

Tonight, I am watching the tv.  I watched a horrible show called My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which sort of made me want to puke.  There was a 14 year old who met some kid who was like 15 and I can tell they will probably end up getting married in later episodes.  What did this pimply faced Romeo have to recommend him?  A cell phone I think.  That appeared to be it.  The gypsy girls aren't even allowed to kiss a boy until they are married.  Think of how young you were when you had that first kiss.  If you were a boy, how hard you worked for it, and if you are a girl, think of how long you dreamed about.  Don't fucking lie to yourself.  You dreamed about it.  A lot.  Seriously, you're conditioned to, we were all raised on fairy tales, and shitty movies like Dirty Dancing (This baby---for the record---totally needs to be put in the corner).

So imagine not being allowed to kiss until you tied the knot.  Not just have sex, whoa nelly, that's out of the question completely.  So, naturally, when the boys and girls get together, there's a ton of pressure.  And they showed a clip of the 14 year old, obviously overcome by her hormones (takes one to know one, sis) and she tells the camera, or the dipshit producer or whomever, about how she doesn;t want to go out and earn her own money, and she wants to be a housewife, and have a man take care of her.  Dude, what standerd of living can you expect anyway?  Do the gypsies go to college?  Anyway, I was thinking if I said something like that, my dad might have hauled off and smacked me.

For the record, I did not grow up in a house where mom and dad beat me and my sister.  I remember being spanked once when I was five for running into the street.  dad came more from the school of psychological terrorism, he would make us stand against the wall.  

But dad wouldv'e smacked me for saying some shit like that.  I saw a little girl espouse a similar belief on another reality show and I had a similar thought.  I think this is how I ended up in law school and not a sister wife, though (thanks dad).

Anyway, I was just trying to kill some time until David tutera comes on.  I'm not even interested in weddings.  Good thing none of my friends are really marriageble.  Pack of alpha bitches.  Thank god for the alpha bitches.

So that's it for now.  I'm looking at a place to rent on Tuesday and I'll probably write some shit and maybe post a pic or something.

Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Mariah