Yay! As I write this, I am in my old law school apartment, staying in Lansing for new provider training. I got a job as a legal advocate with a woman's shelter. I had applied for a position as a fill in advocate, but the shelter manager saw my resume and knew I was better suited to a full time job as a legal advocate...and there was a job opening. The money is not great, but I've returned home to minimize expenses. I also still plan to attend the local community college to get an associate's degree in nursing, I just plan to save the money now and pay as I go.
I've made peace with the fact that I will be on income based repayment after I get the ADN. And I will probably never be able to pay off the full amount I borrowed. If I had known what the legal job market was like, I never would have gone to law school. I would have worked a few years and maybe gotten a Master's Degree. But the choices have been made, the debt exists. Now, I just have to live with it and realize I, like many others, will pay on it for twenty years, take my discharge, and pay taxes on the discharged portion. Hopefully, I will have a job I love at some point.
The job I have now, I love. I feel that this office is such a positive place to work compared to the hellhole my cousin was running. I have not had tp cry on this job. I don't feel overwhelmed, or mistreated. I feel respected. I have health insurance kicking in on January 1st. I don't have to fight with my boss's wife over mileage reimbursement. I am grateful, and happy, and this is the first time in over a year I have really felt happy.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow,
Mimi
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Considering a "Career" Change
It looks like nursing is a field where you can get a job that actually pays you money. So, I may be growing a bit more student debt (although, I'll probably be living with my parents, so it will be low and possibly just to cover the tuition), and going back to community college to become a Nurse.
I've been thinking lately that even if I get a job now, my law degree is worthless. Except, I've got a fuckton of debt invested in it, and I can;t repay it with the law degree. To pay for my law degree, I'm going to have to do something else. I think I would be a great nurse. I love people and I love to help them/ I'm a hand-holder and a cheerleader and a care giver. This would be a career where I enjoyed my life and got to wear scrubs. So, basically, the plan is to become a Nurse, to pay off my lawyer debt. Right now, all I want is to forget that fucking law degree. When I am back in school, studying nursing, my loans will be in deferment. When I get out, the chances that I can go onto the standard repayment plan are a lot higher than they are with the bar card. There's like two lawyer jobs available in Michigan versus 2k nurse jobs.
You do the math.
I've been thinking lately that even if I get a job now, my law degree is worthless. Except, I've got a fuckton of debt invested in it, and I can;t repay it with the law degree. To pay for my law degree, I'm going to have to do something else. I think I would be a great nurse. I love people and I love to help them/ I'm a hand-holder and a cheerleader and a care giver. This would be a career where I enjoyed my life and got to wear scrubs. So, basically, the plan is to become a Nurse, to pay off my lawyer debt. Right now, all I want is to forget that fucking law degree. When I am back in school, studying nursing, my loans will be in deferment. When I get out, the chances that I can go onto the standard repayment plan are a lot higher than they are with the bar card. There's like two lawyer jobs available in Michigan versus 2k nurse jobs.
You do the math.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Is that cat pee I smell? Nope, just the scent of dying dreams.
I spend too much time reading these awful stories about JDs who live in their parents basement,and want to kill themselves over student debt. I'm five months shy of the basement, but I continue to hope, however naively, that I'll get another job. I've actually started applying for some.
I went to a temp agency, and that experience was gross enough to make me email a recruiter from a document review service and beg for a temp job there. At least the money would be better and no one else gets a cut of it. And you're required to have a law license.
First, the temp agency smelled like cat pee. They made me do this written tests where I had to do proofreading and math. Stuff that I have never needed because I have spell checker and a calculator. They told me of course they could find me legal work as a secretary or an assistant. But I started to realize I don't want to do that kind of work. I like the law, but not enough to do something a high school educated person, like the girl who informed in the lobby that you alphabetize files by the subject's LAST name, could do. She can have that $10/hour job. She's gonna need it more than me. I can work for per diem companies, and go on income based repayment, and eat ramen for the rest of my life. But I'm working as a secretary Paralegal, yes. Secretary, no.
I would rather work retail than work at a law firm as a secretary. I know the kinds of toxic attorneys I'd be working with. RETAIL.
I also posted my resume on a few different websites and am continuing to apply for things. The only other thing of note that has happened in my life is that I finally got my closet cleaned out enough to see the floor and I will be selling some stuff on Craigslist soon.
I went to a temp agency, and that experience was gross enough to make me email a recruiter from a document review service and beg for a temp job there. At least the money would be better and no one else gets a cut of it. And you're required to have a law license.
First, the temp agency smelled like cat pee. They made me do this written tests where I had to do proofreading and math. Stuff that I have never needed because I have spell checker and a calculator. They told me of course they could find me legal work as a secretary or an assistant. But I started to realize I don't want to do that kind of work. I like the law, but not enough to do something a high school educated person, like the girl who informed in the lobby that you alphabetize files by the subject's LAST name, could do. She can have that $10/hour job. She's gonna need it more than me. I can work for per diem companies, and go on income based repayment, and eat ramen for the rest of my life. But I'm working as a secretary Paralegal, yes. Secretary, no.
I would rather work retail than work at a law firm as a secretary. I know the kinds of toxic attorneys I'd be working with. RETAIL.
I also posted my resume on a few different websites and am continuing to apply for things. The only other thing of note that has happened in my life is that I finally got my closet cleaned out enough to see the floor and I will be selling some stuff on Craigslist soon.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Turned Down For a Job...Again
Came home from a day in town, where I did not buy anything, because I have no job and no money, to find a rejection letter from a position I applied for as a receptionist. I'm apparently not quite what they were looking for. This is what comes of claiming to be a law student, instead of a law grad I guess? I was also rejected by Jackson National Life for two jobs. I'm hoping the ones I've applied for in Mt. Pleasant go better. Lansing doesn't want me.
I'm going shopping at IKEA on Friday with my mom and sister, and had to ask my dad for shopping money. I wish I had never gone to law school.
But maybe I will get a job doing something lawyery again. I'm only 27, and that degree will last for the rest of my life right?
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow,
Mariah
I'm going shopping at IKEA on Friday with my mom and sister, and had to ask my dad for shopping money. I wish I had never gone to law school.
But maybe I will get a job doing something lawyery again. I'm only 27, and that degree will last for the rest of my life right?
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow,
Mariah
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I had a Job...For about five minutes!
Since I last wrote here a few things have changed. First, I was employed. Now, I am no longer employed, but if you want the full details of that story, I'm going to be saving it for the time I get published in book form.
I took the February Bar Exam in Michigan. I passed it. I started working for a relative who has "established" his own law firm in Northern Michigan. I should never have taken the job in the first place. There was no way I would be able to meet my student loan obligations working for this guy, which he told me during my interview where he suggested I request a forbearance on my student loans. He expected me to somehow learn everything organically, and his communication skills were on par with someone who has serious autism. Not to knock the autistic, I'm sure, some of them would have made better bosses.
Everything was fine at the job until I started to take my Saturdays off. When I started the job, I worked every day but Sundays, and I typically worked at least ten hours a day. I was not paid hourly. I was paid $500 a week, no matter how much I worked. This was explained to me as a "draw against comission," however, I could possibly end up owing this employer money. I know, you're thinking what the fuck? Most used car salesmen get a better deal than this. The job also did not include any sort of benefits. Because the "firm" is up north, it was hard for me to find an apartment to rent. I had to rent a trailer in a trailer park. The park turned out to be very nice and I am glad I was able to stay there for awhile.
Anyway, I was told that I would be able to make a "comission" 40% of whatever hours I billed. When I think about this now, it's a total scam. I could work at McDonalds and have more money, health insurance (that came out of my check, but at least was offered) and a better quality of life. At McDonald's. With a law degree.
Anyway, when I stopped working the Saturday, I got a call from my employer's mother, who also worked at the firm, despite the fact that she is 76 and can't even take a coherent phone message. She basically told me I needed to work harder, and I needed to work on Saturdays. I could have weekends off in a few years. I told her I wanted to spend the weekends with my family. I was living 160 miles away from them and I was lonely. She retorted that if I worked harder, I wouldn't be lonely. I knew that my "employer" was urging her to make these comments. She was simply not smart enough to come up with this on her own.
I became seriously depressed. Just getting up int he morning was a struggle. My left hand and arm began to hurt and eventually the pointer finger and the thumb lost all feeling. I would have panic attacks at night, and sit in my bedroom on the phone with my dad, crying. i would beg my boyfriend to make the three hour drive to visit me, beg him to skip school and work, because I was so miserable and alone.
I felt trapped up there. I started looking for other jobs. I'd already quit mentally, and I spent the days leaving at 5:30 and starting my job search at noon. I flirted with the baliffs in the Courthouse and I tried to spend all my extra time in the clerks offices. I was never paid the money he said he owed me, money that was tethered to the hours I had billed. I was given a final cash payment that I will have to pay taxes on in the spring of next year. We parted on very bad terms, he thought I was deceitful and I think he was a bad employer. It was a situation that I wish I had never been placed in to begin with. I wish that I had followed my instincts when I first began to intern with this man. I felt that he was a person who did not care about his employees, would not lose sleep over his clients, and really only cared about the bottom line. My instincts were good, my fear of never being offered a lawyer job was what made me choose this. I understand that law is a business. But I don't understand working 80 hour weeks doing something you hate, making yourself and your family miserable.
I am currently unemployed and living with my dad, looking for a job in my hometown, or in Lansing. I do not regret losing that job, because it was not much of a job to begin with. It was a scam, and I was like an unwitting Amway saleswoman. I was asked to invest more in moving costs, and commuting costs (I lived forty minutes from the office) than I was paid.
I'm worried about my student debt, (100k+). I'm in forbearance and when I get a job, I will go on the income based and try to allocate as much cash as possible toward those loan payments.
I know there are a bunch of other unemployed law grads out there who probably think I am whiny and should have stuck with this job, but it was just not worth it to me. I spent more money commuting six days a week, than I was paid. I'm angry about what happened, but I just want to have a job I don't hate. I don;t think that's asking too much.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Ever-so-slightly-subdued,
Mariah
I took the February Bar Exam in Michigan. I passed it. I started working for a relative who has "established" his own law firm in Northern Michigan. I should never have taken the job in the first place. There was no way I would be able to meet my student loan obligations working for this guy, which he told me during my interview where he suggested I request a forbearance on my student loans. He expected me to somehow learn everything organically, and his communication skills were on par with someone who has serious autism. Not to knock the autistic, I'm sure, some of them would have made better bosses.
Everything was fine at the job until I started to take my Saturdays off. When I started the job, I worked every day but Sundays, and I typically worked at least ten hours a day. I was not paid hourly. I was paid $500 a week, no matter how much I worked. This was explained to me as a "draw against comission," however, I could possibly end up owing this employer money. I know, you're thinking what the fuck? Most used car salesmen get a better deal than this. The job also did not include any sort of benefits. Because the "firm" is up north, it was hard for me to find an apartment to rent. I had to rent a trailer in a trailer park. The park turned out to be very nice and I am glad I was able to stay there for awhile.
Anyway, I was told that I would be able to make a "comission" 40% of whatever hours I billed. When I think about this now, it's a total scam. I could work at McDonalds and have more money, health insurance (that came out of my check, but at least was offered) and a better quality of life. At McDonald's. With a law degree.
Anyway, when I stopped working the Saturday, I got a call from my employer's mother, who also worked at the firm, despite the fact that she is 76 and can't even take a coherent phone message. She basically told me I needed to work harder, and I needed to work on Saturdays. I could have weekends off in a few years. I told her I wanted to spend the weekends with my family. I was living 160 miles away from them and I was lonely. She retorted that if I worked harder, I wouldn't be lonely. I knew that my "employer" was urging her to make these comments. She was simply not smart enough to come up with this on her own.
I became seriously depressed. Just getting up int he morning was a struggle. My left hand and arm began to hurt and eventually the pointer finger and the thumb lost all feeling. I would have panic attacks at night, and sit in my bedroom on the phone with my dad, crying. i would beg my boyfriend to make the three hour drive to visit me, beg him to skip school and work, because I was so miserable and alone.
I felt trapped up there. I started looking for other jobs. I'd already quit mentally, and I spent the days leaving at 5:30 and starting my job search at noon. I flirted with the baliffs in the Courthouse and I tried to spend all my extra time in the clerks offices. I was never paid the money he said he owed me, money that was tethered to the hours I had billed. I was given a final cash payment that I will have to pay taxes on in the spring of next year. We parted on very bad terms, he thought I was deceitful and I think he was a bad employer. It was a situation that I wish I had never been placed in to begin with. I wish that I had followed my instincts when I first began to intern with this man. I felt that he was a person who did not care about his employees, would not lose sleep over his clients, and really only cared about the bottom line. My instincts were good, my fear of never being offered a lawyer job was what made me choose this. I understand that law is a business. But I don't understand working 80 hour weeks doing something you hate, making yourself and your family miserable.
I am currently unemployed and living with my dad, looking for a job in my hometown, or in Lansing. I do not regret losing that job, because it was not much of a job to begin with. It was a scam, and I was like an unwitting Amway saleswoman. I was asked to invest more in moving costs, and commuting costs (I lived forty minutes from the office) than I was paid.
I'm worried about my student debt, (100k+). I'm in forbearance and when I get a job, I will go on the income based and try to allocate as much cash as possible toward those loan payments.
I know there are a bunch of other unemployed law grads out there who probably think I am whiny and should have stuck with this job, but it was just not worth it to me. I spent more money commuting six days a week, than I was paid. I'm angry about what happened, but I just want to have a job I don't hate. I don;t think that's asking too much.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Ever-so-slightly-subdued,
Mariah
Monday, April 30, 2012
In Which Mariah Reviews L'Oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm (Which Was a Sample)
It's no secret that I like girly stuff like make up and...well, mostly make up. Okay, everything they sell at Ulta.
I also like free samples. I get them online whenever I can, and mostly they sit on my bathroom counter in a thrift store container and wait for the day they are used while slowly drying up. So, since I knew I was not leaving the house today, I decided to actually try one of the moisturizer samples. The one I fished out was the afore-mentioned L'Oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm. I will be refering to as L'Oreal stuff, gold cream, or shit throughout the rest of this review.
Now, I would not buy this stuff in the store, because it is made by L'Oreal and they test animals. I would not have actually requested a sample of this stuff either, but I found it in one of the free magazine subscriptions I get from ELF cosmetics. There is no reason to ever buy animal tested stuff, especially when you can get many alternatives, and especially in the area of skin care. And later on, I will be talking about some of those amazing products, but not tonight.
Anyway, this stuff is first of all, definitely not for younger skin. The website says it's for "mature skin" and they show spokesperson Diane Keaton, who is about 100 years old and was old looking even when she was young. And this stuff doesn't appear to be changing that, except L'Oreal made her take off the stupid hats she wears and dressed her in white, because she is, you know, regressing, or whatever. Regenerating? Like Dr. Who?
I also like free samples. I get them online whenever I can, and mostly they sit on my bathroom counter in a thrift store container and wait for the day they are used while slowly drying up. So, since I knew I was not leaving the house today, I decided to actually try one of the moisturizer samples. The one I fished out was the afore-mentioned L'Oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm. I will be refering to as L'Oreal stuff, gold cream, or shit throughout the rest of this review.
Now, I would not buy this stuff in the store, because it is made by L'Oreal and they test animals. I would not have actually requested a sample of this stuff either, but I found it in one of the free magazine subscriptions I get from ELF cosmetics. There is no reason to ever buy animal tested stuff, especially when you can get many alternatives, and especially in the area of skin care. And later on, I will be talking about some of those amazing products, but not tonight.
Anyway, this stuff is first of all, definitely not for younger skin. The website says it's for "mature skin" and they show spokesperson Diane Keaton, who is about 100 years old and was old looking even when she was young. And this stuff doesn't appear to be changing that, except L'Oreal made her take off the stupid hats she wears and dressed her in white, because she is, you know, regressing, or whatever. Regenerating? Like Dr. Who?
The stuff came in one of those slim foil packs attached to a paper card with a coupon on it, which I junked ages ago. Here is a pic of the paper it came on.
Normally these are one use only packets, so I expected this to be the same way, and maybe it was, but when the thick yellow cream started to come out,it seemed like too much. I squeezed the whole packett and got all of it out. It was super thick and greasy. Maybe if it was coming out of a jar i would've felt better about it, but it looked gross, and I imagine ol' Stephen King would have called the texture and color "pus-like." I put it all over my face and it took like ten minutes to actually rub the whole amount over my face and neck. There were still yellow (pus-like) streaks that seemed to just pop up all over my face, and had to be rerubbed in, ALTHOUGHT I SWEAR TO GOD I GOT THEM THE FIRST TIME. Was my skin rebelling?
I put it on at about 6:00 PM when I got out of the shower (yeah, one of those glorious days) and as I write this, at 1:30 AM, it is still sitting greasily on my face. I can't recommend this stuff. Even if it was not tested on animals, it's just not a good cream for someone my age (27), even if you are concerned about dryness, wrinkles, or other skin issues associated with older women.
I've always thought that if I use the stuff for older skin now, maybe my skin will never age. I don;t want to be a wrinkly faced old crone. God, I'm a little fatty right now, can't I win somewhere? So I usually buy the heaviest crap i can find for night cream. I'm still looking for a decent day moisturizer, but I have a feeling the search is about to end, and I totally feel like I'm on the Bachelorette, yo!
My night cream for now is the Vitamen E Night Cream from The Body Shop, which is also marketed for older skin, and also has a a hard time absorbing into my skin on account of how heavy it is, but the difference is that it is night ream and it's supposed to be a little heavier. Also, when I bought that, I knew how it would be, I wanted the most heavy duty stuff that I could get from The Body Shop (my love affair with them has actually ended, my new skincare BF Mario Badescue is just much better). The L'Oreal stuff is just moisturizer, and I was thinking it would be heavy, yes, but not so heavy that my face had a greasy film over it for the next few hours. I can't wait to take it off and put on some night cream, although it will probably have to be one of my acne ones, because I am afraid I've clogged up my pores.
It does make my skin feel incredibly soft though. Sort of like when I wash it with an exfoiliant. Still, I wouldn't buy it on principle.
I'd rather have wrinkles than dead rabbits on my conscience.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Mariah
Sunday, April 29, 2012
In Which Mariah Watches TV and Bitches About Life
This has been a pretty interesting week. I could tell you a whole bunch of personal shit, but I'm not going to do that. Let's start with the bar exam.
I passed. I figured I had failed, because I start from the presupposition that I fail everything. This makes for a pleasant surprise when I am wrong about things, and in this area, I am wrong a lot, thank god, and protects me from a nervous breakdown in the event that I fail and I was RIGHT to think I failed. Anyway, I passed. I'll get sworn in soon and then I have to become, like an adult or something.
Adulthood sucks. Suddenly, I have to pay my student loans back and I have to WORK and be a lawyer and WORK. And until I pay off the loan monkey that's about all I'm going to think about. I always figured by the time I was this age, I would have become a published author, and the writer of some FUCKIN AWESOME BOOKS, and I would be sort of famous and wear big sunglasses and speak in an affected accent of indeterminate origin.
Yet this has not happened. Okay, I do have an affected tone though.
Possibly because I lack follow through, but it's easier to blame law school and discuss how it killed my creativity, man. Bitch, please. The Public Defender Clinic alone gave me enough matierial to write a book, but I'd probably get sued and you gotta take those sunglasses off in court, right?
Tonight, I am watching the tv. I watched a horrible show called My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which sort of made me want to puke. There was a 14 year old who met some kid who was like 15 and I can tell they will probably end up getting married in later episodes. What did this pimply faced Romeo have to recommend him? A cell phone I think. That appeared to be it. The gypsy girls aren't even allowed to kiss a boy until they are married. Think of how young you were when you had that first kiss. If you were a boy, how hard you worked for it, and if you are a girl, think of how long you dreamed about. Don't fucking lie to yourself. You dreamed about it. A lot. Seriously, you're conditioned to, we were all raised on fairy tales, and shitty movies like Dirty Dancing (This baby---for the record---totally needs to be put in the corner).
So imagine not being allowed to kiss until you tied the knot. Not just have sex, whoa nelly, that's out of the question completely. So, naturally, when the boys and girls get together, there's a ton of pressure. And they showed a clip of the 14 year old, obviously overcome by her hormones (takes one to know one, sis) and she tells the camera, or the dipshit producer or whomever, about how she doesn;t want to go out and earn her own money, and she wants to be a housewife, and have a man take care of her. Dude, what standerd of living can you expect anyway? Do the gypsies go to college? Anyway, I was thinking if I said something like that, my dad might have hauled off and smacked me.
For the record, I did not grow up in a house where mom and dad beat me and my sister. I remember being spanked once when I was five for running into the street. dad came more from the school of psychological terrorism, he would make us stand against the wall.
But dad wouldv'e smacked me for saying some shit like that. I saw a little girl espouse a similar belief on another reality show and I had a similar thought. I think this is how I ended up in law school and not a sister wife, though (thanks dad).
Anyway, I was just trying to kill some time until David tutera comes on. I'm not even interested in weddings. Good thing none of my friends are really marriageble. Pack of alpha bitches. Thank god for the alpha bitches.
So that's it for now. I'm looking at a place to rent on Tuesday and I'll probably write some shit and maybe post a pic or something.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Mariah
I passed. I figured I had failed, because I start from the presupposition that I fail everything. This makes for a pleasant surprise when I am wrong about things, and in this area, I am wrong a lot, thank god, and protects me from a nervous breakdown in the event that I fail and I was RIGHT to think I failed. Anyway, I passed. I'll get sworn in soon and then I have to become, like an adult or something.
Adulthood sucks. Suddenly, I have to pay my student loans back and I have to WORK and be a lawyer and WORK. And until I pay off the loan monkey that's about all I'm going to think about. I always figured by the time I was this age, I would have become a published author, and the writer of some FUCKIN AWESOME BOOKS, and I would be sort of famous and wear big sunglasses and speak in an affected accent of indeterminate origin.
Yet this has not happened. Okay, I do have an affected tone though.
Possibly because I lack follow through, but it's easier to blame law school and discuss how it killed my creativity, man. Bitch, please. The Public Defender Clinic alone gave me enough matierial to write a book, but I'd probably get sued and you gotta take those sunglasses off in court, right?
Tonight, I am watching the tv. I watched a horrible show called My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which sort of made me want to puke. There was a 14 year old who met some kid who was like 15 and I can tell they will probably end up getting married in later episodes. What did this pimply faced Romeo have to recommend him? A cell phone I think. That appeared to be it. The gypsy girls aren't even allowed to kiss a boy until they are married. Think of how young you were when you had that first kiss. If you were a boy, how hard you worked for it, and if you are a girl, think of how long you dreamed about. Don't fucking lie to yourself. You dreamed about it. A lot. Seriously, you're conditioned to, we were all raised on fairy tales, and shitty movies like Dirty Dancing (This baby---for the record---totally needs to be put in the corner).
So imagine not being allowed to kiss until you tied the knot. Not just have sex, whoa nelly, that's out of the question completely. So, naturally, when the boys and girls get together, there's a ton of pressure. And they showed a clip of the 14 year old, obviously overcome by her hormones (takes one to know one, sis) and she tells the camera, or the dipshit producer or whomever, about how she doesn;t want to go out and earn her own money, and she wants to be a housewife, and have a man take care of her. Dude, what standerd of living can you expect anyway? Do the gypsies go to college? Anyway, I was thinking if I said something like that, my dad might have hauled off and smacked me.
For the record, I did not grow up in a house where mom and dad beat me and my sister. I remember being spanked once when I was five for running into the street. dad came more from the school of psychological terrorism, he would make us stand against the wall.
But dad wouldv'e smacked me for saying some shit like that. I saw a little girl espouse a similar belief on another reality show and I had a similar thought. I think this is how I ended up in law school and not a sister wife, though (thanks dad).
Anyway, I was just trying to kill some time until David tutera comes on. I'm not even interested in weddings. Good thing none of my friends are really marriageble. Pack of alpha bitches. Thank god for the alpha bitches.
So that's it for now. I'm looking at a place to rent on Tuesday and I'll probably write some shit and maybe post a pic or something.
Kiss Kiss Meow Meow
Mariah
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